We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
