Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
