tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
