Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
