I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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