Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
