I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
