I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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