Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So squirting runs in the family.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
