Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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