it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
