You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize