dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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