I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We just shotgunned beers for America
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
