I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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