Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
