How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
