her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
