I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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