I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
