I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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