morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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