ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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