I bet he comes in French.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
