my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
