Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
