"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
