yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Vodka?
Forever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
