Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
