just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
