dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
