why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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