I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
