i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
