Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
