There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
