I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
