so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
