well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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