Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
