i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
