Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
