What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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