I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
