so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it glows. i had to have it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
