3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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