He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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