I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
