You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
