The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
