All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
