Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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