i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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