You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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