I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
