You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
