my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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