Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
