eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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