I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
