I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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