it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
