Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
