I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
