Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
