you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
