Life is so much better after having sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
