there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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