it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
