Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
