y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I AM VODKA MAN
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
