Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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