i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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