I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
