I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
