hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
