yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
